Forgive
2022 is the year I learned to forgive myself. It was also the year that I accepted the fact that the “hustle” was never truly something I ever wanted to partake in.
But first, let’s start with forgiveness.
Forgiveness truly comes from self and I think I was 40-something when I truly “got” this concept.
STORY TIME
I was living in Muskoka and met this wonderful spiritual leader in the community that took me under her wing, in a manner of speaking. She was a strong and dominant force. One you wouldn’t want to reckon with. But I mean this with the most sincere words. She exuded love in her words, action and mere presence. And that was the fortitude I’m talking about. Confident, assured and kind.
To make this story short, I was bitter. Very bitter. We’d found ourselves in a mess and found a way to blame everyone but ourselves. She opened my eyes to the fact that forgiveness wasn’t about forgiving that other person for what they’d done, but rather forgiving myself for ever feeling that way about another human being.
Ahhh. So, that’s what it’s all about. I suppose this was preached from a pulpit at some point in life, but it all felt like latin to me when I walked through the church doors. But this stuck. Why hang on to the negativity, blame, anger, frustration, envy, jealousy, bitterness? It doesn’t serve me, my heart, or those I love. When I learned to forgive myself, I learned that I had survived another day. I could live in the present. I could let go of the resentment, negativity and find room in my heart to sprout more love.
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Alright, I realize that this is a nutrition-focused business and blog, but if you’re reading this, maybe you can relate And we’ll get back to nutrition with fun recipes and educational posts. But while I still have you, here’s a few more lessons I learned this year:
Nature is the cure-all. Taking a walk in nature cured me of ‘falling under the spell of funk’, anxiety, boredom, and frustration. The best gift I gave myself (aside from yoga classes) was a season’s pass to the nearby provincial park. I could get there in under 10 minutes whenever I liked. Some days I’d sneak off without the dogs, or just bring one dog. But a walk through the forest and I felt it all wash away. I always stopped to ‘listen’ to the trees. Placing one hand on my heart and one hand on the bark of the tree that ‘spoke’ to me. It was pure magic every single time.
Disappointing others is none of my business. Once I really remembered that I had the control in releasing other people’s disappointments, I could get on with my life. No, it didn't happen immediately. But it happened. I could let go of whatever disappointment they felt and let them have it. We will never be universally loved. Fact.
Forgiveness is my work and it requires letting go (see above).
Pausing is unfurling. It is not unproductive or lazy or useless. It’s allowing the world to keep on spinning without my work, contribution and control. Because the world will keep spinning without me while I create something beautiful (inside).
Hustle culture is dead. I said it above and I’ll say it again. I spent years working in corporate jobs. At times, I felt nameless or faceless. Often, I questioned, “What is this? Why am I even here?”. I was hustling to craft marketing or taglines, product positioning all to accumulate wealth for the wealthiest of wealthy. I wanted more than this. I wanted to make less healthy people healthier. I ditched the “W” and replaced it with an “H” for nutrition studies, my profession and ultimately this business. But I didn’t ditch the hustle. It just looked different now, and it still wasn’t true to my nature. So, around November, when my body said “ENOUGH”, I took a breather. And I officially declared (for myself, at least) that HUSTLE CULTURE IS DEAD.
It is NEVER too late to say “I’m sorry”, “Happy Birthday”, “I love you”, “I miss you”, “You mean the world to me”…
Lastly, finding your authentic self happens when you apply all of the above. Let things go, pause, reflect and find yourself again.
